What do you want?

That's the question. Is the first time commitment the hardest or the life that comes afterwards? What do I want? Lord, help me to sort thru and know my deepest desires and ACT on them. May my heart win out. Today I learned about Freud's Id, Ego and Superego and I learned that we tend to go to defense mechanisms to avoid conflict between these aspects of ourself and avoid anxiety. I want to live a life of alignment between my body, mind and spirit.

Yesterday, I went to a cathedral to pray. On my way there, I had a lot of doubt. I felt like I was going to church to escape myself, out of obligation, guilt and boredom. Like it was a compulsion. As long as I'm aware of my motivations for doing things, that's the most important thing. What I realized later is that we are churches. We are temples of the Living God.

Despite the internal conflict, I/God will win out in the end.